Innocent Beauty

There was this one person who I watched, listened and talked to for a long time. She was intresting, complex and sensitive. There never seemed to be dull conversations that held no sense of value. Her words and art was a sort of poetry it almost seemed or at least thats how a lot of people I think may have thought. She was a kind of female figure that was elegant in a confusing and distinct way.

I didn’t see her as most did, because I knew parts of her that others may not and I saw how she acted when certain things didn’t go as planned. There was a time when I took something from her, and granted what “was hers” wasn’t necessarily “hers” but more the fact that her friend maybe even best friend could have betrayed her? But was it betrayal, taking something  or rather someone that once was hers, or was it me finding a new relationship that was worth holding onto? Regardless of what was the right or best decision I made mine and if I had not made the choice of relationship to engage in and keep hold of I would have never truly appreciated and learned who she really was on a deeper level.

The day she found out that it was true there was a label on my new relationship with her previous “crush” but crush is far to middle school to even begin to describe an idea of how her inner feelings were towards this boy. I knew a lot of her previous relations with him, and how they never were more than a fantasy relationship vs a real one. She talked of their confusing and strange ways of showing affection or appreciation, something at the time I never quite understood, but I listened. For years this “relationship” went on and it was a rollercoaster. One day she loved him the next she wanted him lost as sea. It was all very confusing, but even more once I entered down a dangerous road. I was fascinated by him and her, but mostly him. I never understood why she hated him because from her stories he was charming in a nerdy way, brilliant, and bizarre. I was infatuated by him on a level I didn’t even knew existed. Now might I mention we were about 17 when I went from listener and comforter to “betrayer” and heartbreaker.

I lived through her relationship with this boy by stories and observations, and because of them I fell for someone that perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself because when you fall in love with possibly the wrong person it’s like a trap; a trap that you so desperately know you should get out of but something keeps luring you back in. She said she felt violent when she herd the news that I was officially his girlfriend. How it got to that point from me and him hardly knowing each other other than me secretly drooling over his luscious hair blowing in the wind when he ran, and those perfectly toned muscles and skin was all because I could and can dance. Who knew it was that simple to win a boys heart by simply showing them what grinding was but as I call it dirty dancing. From the first dance it was all over he was mine and I was his. But that didn’t go over well with her.

There were days where she would walk into the art room look at me start crying and run away. Now I’d say she was a bit melodramatic but she did have reason to be. For months there was tension between me and her even though we tried to act as though it was nothing. I contemplated on breaking up with him so many times because it did hurt losing my best friend, to a boy, but he wasn’t just any boy thats the thing. I honestly wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had not had a relationship with him, but that story is for another day. As the year went on we finally had a break though after the misery and sorrow between two girls and the destruction that a boy can bring to a relationship. It was over for the most part. We cried hugged and apologized on both sides. Now things were never 100 percent back to normal but we were friends again and that was all that really mattered.

So should I have dated him yes I think so, and I don’t regret the decision because I would have never learned what true friendships are and the importance of sticking to you heart not just your head. So much can be learned from those around you and your experiences did I learn from this hell yes, do I want this to happen again with a friend hell no.

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